Parenting: Are You Thriving or Surviving?

Years ago I worked in a residential facility for troubled girls as a live-in house staff. I began working there even before the place officially opened up and there was a lot of work put into figuring out how the program would be run. Everyone there had a heart and passion for the ministry, but few other than myself had any formal training or had experience in dealing with juveniles. Still, four years in college of participating in a once a week "Action Group" hardly qualified me as having experience. I was fresh out of college with more head knowledge about it than real hands on experience (at least with girls... I had plenty of experience dealing with juvenile boys since my parents did foster care with delinquents when I was a teen myself). We quickly learned that having a heart for something isn't enough to make it work.

Within a few months of officially opening, the facility was in a delicate place. Without any formal training the other house staff and even the counselor were tackling a job they were not prepared to handle. We were running into more issues with the girls in the program than we could keep up with while attempting to stay on the same page as a team.

I recall a conversation with the director who shared how he felt like we were all in over our heads and rather than "keeping things afloat," he felt like we were barely keeping our heads above the water. Rather than thriving, we were simply surviving.

I don't know about you, but I certainly feel that way with parenting some days. Even before I became a mom, I read a lot of books and went to different classes. I tried to learn as much as I could about it so I would be prepared and wouldn't make all the same mistakes of the predecessors before me. But nothing could make me feel more ill qualified for parenthood like experiencing it.

It wasn't long after becoming a mom that I felt like I was in over my head. From enduring the sound of constant whining to cleaning up messes to sleep deprivation (a biggie for me... Did you know that after being sleep deprived for 72 hours you're considered legally insane?), parenting is a never ending sea of challenges with waves crashing around on every side. Not only does parenting demand so much of me, but there are rarely if ever any immediate rewards for all my efforts. And even though us moms can often multitask, it is still quite overwhelming at times.

If there's one thing I've learned about parenting, it is that you absolutely cannot do a good job in your own strength. It's impossible! I desperately need God to intercede on my behalf. It will be completely by God's grace if my children don't pick up my bad habit or my sinful attitudes because I fail daily.

We are born selfish, with needs that we want immediately gratified. Yet when we become parents, we are forced to be less selfish and less demanding. Some parents really have a hard time with this... Actually all parents do, but some are less willing to admit it and some are more resistant to becoming less selfish.

Parenting is not the kind of trial that makes you crazy, its the kind that exposes the crazy that was already buried inside. It's as if parenting is the ultimate test for a parent's character. If there's a sinful attitude within the heart, somehow a small child will bring it to the surface. There's nothing like having a child to expose all your imperfections, weaknesses and selfish nature. And while we as moms may get mad because the fact that we're not perfect and don't have it all together and can't do it all, instead we should thank God for giving us our children to challenge us to be more self sacrificing. Parenting truly is a process of daily dying to self. It is painful. It is humbling. But it's also God's grace in action.

The world tells us that rather than dying to self we need to pamper ourselves and focus on our own needs. But that's not what the Word of God teaches us. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, so we don't get swallowed in our own little selfish world, is be loving and giving and selfless toward someone else.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should neglect ourselves. Neglecting to take care of ourselves is really just another way to have a pity party. But getting our focus off ourselves and allowing God to use us to raise the kind of godly children He desires is truly one of the most difficult and life-changing things a person can experience. 

God doesn't just want us to "survivie" parenthood. He wants us to thrive! That's the beautiful thing about God. Even though He meets us where we're at, in the mess of a life we make, He doesn't leave us there. He gives us opportunities to improve and if we allow Him, He empowers us to do some amazing things! He forgives us when we mess up and He uses our children as tools to shape our character. When we are letting Him work in and through us, we are not only keeping our heads above the water or the boat afloat, but we are, like Peter, stepping out of the boat and walking on the water.

My Contribution

When I think about the blogging world I stop and ask myself what I could write that hasn't already been written? What can I say that hasn't already been said? What do I have to offer people that hasn't already been shared? What can I possibly contribute in this world of mass media?

I am reminded in Ecclesiastes 1:9 "That which has been is what will be, That which is done is what will be done, And there is nothing new under the sun." Did you read that? There is absolutely NOTHING new under the sun. Every emotional experience that could happen has happened. Every joy, every heartache has happened before and will happen again! It's all been said and done before! So all of these other bloggers aren't saying anything new either!

But sometimes you have to hear something for the hundredth time in just a different way before it finally cliques and makes sense in your mind. It's not just about knowing that others have shared in the same kind of experience in the past, but to know that someone is experiencing it together with you now! That's what fellowship is all about: sharing in each other's experiences. Galatians 6:2 tells us that we are to "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." I want to encourage, I want to inspire, I want to remind people of truths and share with them the hope that I have found in Christ! 

There may be thousands of other people blogging about the same thing, or writing books on the subjects, or giving lectures about it etc. But that doesn't mean I have nothing to contribute. It doesn't mean that my words are not worth writing because they will simply get drowned out in the sea of other voices sharing their experiences too. There are many other people out there that are on that same journey with me. 

So what is it that I contribute? It's nothing new, but its about sharing with you the journey that God is taking me through in this life. It is how God is molding and shaping me. My journey is different than yours and by no means do I think your experience should look exactly like mine. But that's the point... I am on a journey through this life and I can share with others what I have learned or what I am learning along the way.

I say this because I not only want to remind myself that I have something worth saying, but to encourage others out there who have thought about doing something like this but have always let the voices of fear and doubt shout louder than that small still voice of God who tells them to take that step of faith and see where He takes them.

My sentences may not be perfectly structured and my train of though may perhaps sometimes be all over the place (I have a tendency to blend concepts)... It's not perfect, but that's ok. I have to start somewhere! I may not think I have anything new and exciting to say, but on the other hand I don't know how God might just use it to impact others.

Morning Graces

I am soooooo not a morning person and my oldest son is. I have such a hard time with the constant energetic chatter when I first wake up and the "Mommy come here! Mommy look at this! Mommy [fill in the blank with a deep question about the universe]." And then imagine someone playing a broken record that is just full of random audio sounds... "Lalala, beep beep ,honk, ding dong, boing boing boing, aooga, deedle, doop doop,ding-a-ling, hummmmmm, chink, chong, aaaaaah, bubbu bubba, brrrrrrm, honk, toot toot, badonka, woosh, buzzzzzzz"... And as if that's not enough, a sprawl with the sibling often inevitably ensues....*sigh

Lord, I NEED your grace in those moments... When I want to just curl up and go back to sleep... Let my heart instead be filled with love and compassion and joy knowing that my children are only little once and they have such a great desire to be with me and to share their excitement with me.

I asked my oldest son one time why he was constantly in my face every two seconds first thing in the morning and his reply was "because I love you and just want to be with you mom!"

What a humbling reminder to me of these precious moments.

Next time any of you other mamas feel this way, just pray for God's grace and remind yourselves of these truths.

"Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, The God of our salvation! Selah" Psalms 68:19

St. Patrick's Day Fun

Kids LOVE make believe. And while my children know the truth about Santa, the Easter bunny and even Leprechauns, they enjoy pretending and making up fun stories and adventures with fairy tale creatures. For Christmas and Easter we keep the focus on Christ and what He did for us. This is something as a family we have made as a greater priority. So while we do crafts and fun stuff for those holidays, there is less of Santa crafts and more of Jesus in a manger and less of making Easter eggs and more of making an empty tomb snack or craft.

Recently, there has become popularity among other holidays, such as St. Patrick's Day, to spur on a child's imagination with creative make believe. So this year for the first time, my children and I are delving into the realm of make believe play with this holiday and are planning to "catch a Leprechaun."

Using an old shoebox, we painted it green with acrylic paint then decorated it in patterns with foam stickers.

My eldest son even created a four leaf clover by combining four hearts together. We made it as colorful as possible since we discovered that Leprechauns LOVE rainbows and all the colors of the rainbow. They also are attracted to shiny things such as glitter and gold. So we also decorated the box with a bit of glitter glue in gold, red, and green.

We used the lid of the box as the base and the bottom of the box as the top that falls and traps the Leprechaun. Then we put a little container filled with toy coins as the bait to lure the leprechaun into the trap. On the eve of St. Patrick's Day we will strategically place the trap somewhere in the house and leave it out overnight. Then in the morning, we shall come and see if we have caught one. Leprechauns, we are told, are quite clever, so we shall see what happens.

Do you have any fun St. Patrick's Day traditions or have you done anything creative like this before? Please share some of your ideas! I would love to hear about them. I'm not sure if this is something that can be an every year tradition as it may get old, but perhaps if we found out other creative ways to "trap a leprechaun" my children may enjoy this sort of fun for a few more years.